The End

By Autumn

I awoke the morning after I received Mr. Windy City’s dismissive email and got dressed for brunch with my girlfriends. As I walked out of my apartment, the following email came in on my phone from Mr. Windy City:

Good Morning. Sorry I got home late and we didn't connect up last night. We should talk today. I'm sorry. It kills me to say this, but I want to be honest and tell you that I'm feeling unsure whether this will work out and going up to DC.

I immediately started crying and ran to the car to head to City Girl’s house. I forwarded her the email, including an “I told you” with the attachment. When I got to her apartment, she kept apologizing and said that she never saw this coming.

City Girl: Why would he have told us both repeatedly that he was coming to DC? [He had even talked about making City Girl’s favorite comfort foods when she was recouping from treatment.] Why didn’t he just tell you this in person? Did you respond?

Me: Yes. I told him that he owes me a phone call since I'm not having this discussion via email.

I paced around the living room crying. I couldn’t seem to stand still or stop the pounding of my heart, as I held my phone and waited for the call I knew would hurt me more than I thought possible. Why had I allowed this man to get so completely under my skin and into my heart? Wasn’t I the one who warned him to wait until we met to declare feelings and cautioned against getting caught up in the romanticism? And now, since I didn’t take my own advice, I was the one hurting.

The phone rang. I looked down in dread, as I saw the Caller ID and picture of us together that I had assigned to his contact. I had two seconds of a fond memory of us taking that photo. Then, I slid the ‘answer’ button over and croaked:

Hello.

Mr. Windy City: Hi. How are you?

Me: Okay.

Mr. Windy City: How were you with City Girl’s hair cut yesterday?

Me: It was tough.

Mr. Windy City: Autumn, I’m so sorry I have to say this, but I just don’t think we are good together.

Me: Why didn’t you tell me this when I was in NYC? I had a feeling that you weren’t into me and I told City Girl several times that I thought that. You should have told me then.

Mr. Windy City: I know I should have, but I didn’t because I wanted it to work out so badly. But, I couldn’t sleep well the last few nights, and I didn’t want to come to DC and keep pretending.

Me: Why do you think we aren’t good?

Mr. Windy City: I don’t know. I just have this feeling. I can’t explain it.

Me: Well, I told you to wait until you met me to say all the nice things you did because I knew this would happen. But you insisted that we were meant for each other so then I decided to go along with it and believe you. Now look where we are.

Mr. Windy City: I know and I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was call you and hear you cry, but I also can’t keep pretending.

Me: Well, I meant everything I said, and maybe next time you should not say sweet things like you did until you are sure you mean them…out of consideration for the girl’s feelings.

Mr. Windy City: Yes, you are right.

Me: You are sure that we will never work out?

Mr. Windy City: I don’t know. Maybe someday we can be friends again, but I don’t expect you to feel that way right away.

Me: Okay. Well, I hope you have a safe drive back to Chicago and maybe we will talk soon.

Mr. Windy City: Thank you. Goodbye.

I hung up the phone and curled up in the corner, as I continued to cry. I had known this would happen. I kept thinking that it was too good to be true and I was right. I made it through the rest of the day, but it was more of a blur.

I went to bed thinking about him and longing for him and woke up wanting him. I still wanted him in my life, even if it was just as a friend. It is not in my nature to hate or hold grudges, and it was no different with Mr. Windy City.

The next day, I still wanted an explanation as to what happened. I sent Mr. Windy City an email, asking for clarification. He responded:

I wish I could give you a more specific reason, but like I said, it's just a feeling I had. Without the right feeling/connection, something was just missing. I don’t know how to explain it. And I was being honest, I think you're wonderful and I do hope we can keep chatting and remain friends. I hope that makes sense a bit. Thanks.

I decided to take the higher ground and tried not to feel bitter toward Mr. Windy City. In my reply, I wrote:

I would love to remain friends with you and if we happen to be in the same city on any future date, I will gladly say hi...From here on out, you are my friend and I am happy to consider you such :). Good luck with the job hunt as well. I know you'll find one quickly with as good as you are at what you do! I look forward to following and hearing about all the fun, yummy, and cool things that I know you will experience.

Mr. Windy City did get back to Chicago safely, and I would say that we have a friendly relationship now. I still think we make a good pair, but he made his choice. I have to believe that this rejection just means that there’s someone out there even better for me.

I do still miss Mr. Windy City and do a double take at every dark-haired guy my height. I hope it’s him, but then I look away in disappointment. For now, I don’t want any other guy; I just want him. I know it will get better with time, and I’ll stop seeing him everywhere. But, until then, this is My Saga about my week with Mr. Windy City.

Like his name, he blew in like the wind, and then was gone.